some ways to establish sound personal boundaries

Here are some ways to establish sound personal boundaries without alienating the guys on the other side.

1. Start as you mean to go on. Setting and maintaining good “fences” from the outset will always be easier and less contentious than trying to establish them when others have become used to walking all over your patch.


2. Be firm. Your boundaries are going to be tested. Others will try to take more time, energy, and personal space than you are willing to give. It’s tempting to give in a little, if only for the sake of seeming flexible. Don’t do it. It will always be harder to eject a squatter than stop them entering in the first place.


3. Be crystal clear where your boundaries are. You can’t really blame the organization or the boss for trespassing on your private time, or requiring unreasonable work out of working hours, if you haven’t made it clear what you will do willingly, what you will do only in a true emergency, and what is going too far at any time.


4. Defend against incursions. However clearly you lay down your barriers, there will be times when others cross them. If you don’t defend yourself, they’ll assume the boundaries weren’t meant seriously.


5. Set your boundaries carefully. It’s well worth taking the time to be absolutely certain of where your boundaries should lie. If you aren’t sure, how can anyone else be? Constantly shifting them won’t work either. It will tempt others to assume that your decisions on boundaries are weak and easily changed.


6. Negotiate when there is no dispute. The worst time of all to try to resolve any boundary problems is when they are in dispute. Don’t wait until the boss expects something you aren’t prepared to give to talk about the whole issue. By then, emotions are aroused and firm positions taken. If you have the good sense to discuss boundaries when everyone is relaxed and can see one another’s needs rationally, it will give you a handsome pay-off. Later, all it will usually take is a polite reminder of what was agreed to get everyone back on their own side of the line.


7. Don’t violate others’ boundaries yourself. You’ll be in a weak position to defend your own, if it’s known that you’re quite ready to step over the line with others whenever it suits you.


8. Don’t be a sucker for hard-luck stories. Not every attempt to snatch something inside your boundaries will arrive as an obvious incursion. You’ll face a good many pleas and much wheedling based on claims that it will only happen just this once. Any time you give in sets a precedent and the next incursion will be harder to resist.


9. Don’t be greedy. Other people also have legitimate claims. Colleagues may reasonably expect a helping hand in a crisis. The organization that pays you has a sound claim for value for its money. The boss can reasonably expect respect basic loyalty. If you push your boundaries out too far, they’ll never be respected, whatever you do.

小马过河

马棚里住着一匹老马和一匹小马。

　　有一天，老马对小马说：“你已经长大了，能帮妈妈做点事吗？”小马连蹦带跳地说：“怎么不能？我很愿意帮您做事。”老马高兴地说：“那好啊，你把这半袋麦子驮到磨坊去吧。”

　　小马驮起口袋，飞快地往磨坊跑去。跑着跑着，一条小河挡住了去路，河水哗哗地流着。小马为难了，心想：我能不能过去呢？如果妈妈在身边，问问她该怎么 办，那多好啊！可是离家很远了。他向四周望望，看见一头老牛在河边吃草，小马嗒嗒嗒嗒跑过去，问道：“牛伯伯，请您告诉我，这条河，我能过去吗？”老牛 说：“水很浅，刚没小腿，能过去。”

　　小马听了老牛的话，立刻跑到河边，准备过去。突然从树上跳下一只松鼠，拦住他大叫：“小马！别过河，别过河，河水会淹死你的！”小马吃惊地问：“水很 深吗？”松鼠认真地说：“当然啦！昨天，我的一个伙伴就掉在这条河里淹死的！”小马连忙收住脚步，不知道怎么办好。他叹了口气说：“唉！还是回家问问妈妈 吧！”

　　小马甩甩尾巴，跑回家去。妈妈问：“怎么回来啦？”小马难为情地说：“有一条河挡住了去路，过……过不去。”妈妈说：“那条河不是很浅吗？”小马说： “是呀！牛伯伯也这么说。可是松鼠说河水很深，还淹死过他的伙伴呢。”妈妈说：“那么到底是深还是浅？你仔细想过他们的话吗？”小马低下了头，说： “没……没想过。”妈妈亲切地对小马说：“孩子，光听别人说，自己不动脑筋，不去试试，是不行的，你去试一试，就会明白了。”

　　小马回到河边，刚刚抬起前蹄，松鼠又大叫起来：“怎么，你不要命啦？”小马说：“让我试试吧”，他一面说着一面下了河，小心地过去。原来河水既不像老牛说的那样浅，也不像松鼠说的那样深。”

小马要过河！

小学时学过《小马过河》的故事，长大后才知道小马也是很无奈的。因为真正自己过河是需要勇气的。而且更多的时候，我们是采取保守的态度。听信了松鼠的话，乖乖的回去了。
我这两天才知道人在举棋不定时的痛苦，扪心自问，我怎么成了当时的小马？是应当自己下到河里去试试的。最惨也只是呛两口水吧，不去永远只是在岸边徘徊，从此徘徊下去，很可悲的。
增强信心，勇敢的下河去!有危险同时也是机遇！